“Girls who are boys
Who like boys to be girls
Who do boys like they’re girls
Who do girls like they’re boys”
Have you ever been mistaken for the opposite gender? I have. Today I was at one of the big named grocery shops, in the self service area, trying to manoeuvre my trolley full of groceries around an old lady who was taking up more than her share of space. A young guy with a kid saw my efforts and tried to move his trolley to one side so I could get through. He said to his kid, “move out the way so that the...” In his moment of indecision as to whether I was male or female, he labelled me a the. I forced a smile and pushed my trolley through.
This wasn’t a one off occurrence. This has been happening all of my life.
A couple of years ago I was in the USA with my wife. We were in a department store and I had to go to the toilet. I asked an employee where the toilets were. He looked at me confused and said, “male or female?”
I was camping with my family and friends. I was in the ablution block, washing my hands. The door opened and a middle aged lady walked in. She looked at me, did a double-take, then opened the door to look at the sign. Yes, lady, you’re in the right god damn toilet!
Remember the Big Day Out? Well I was there, in the boiler room, waiting in the massive line to go to the toilet. The person in front of me turned around and said, “you know you’re in the wrong line right? The men’s toilet is over there.”
I was walking past a pop up advertising booth. There were two young guys sitting behind the counter. As I got closer, one of the guys forced a cheesy smile and said, “Good afternoon Sir.” Then he looked at me, turned to his friend and together, they burst out laughing.
I could go on but I think you get the picture. Instead, here are some of the lines people have said to me:
You should wear make-up and grow your hair
You're too pretty for jeans and a hoodie
You should wear a dress to show off your legs
Are you a boy or a girl?
Are you like the man around the house?
I am androgynous.
ANDROGYNY | noun: the quality or state of being neither specifically feminine or masculine: the combination of feminine and masculine characteristics: the quality or state of being androgynous (Merriam-Webster).
If you Google famous androgynous people you get:
David Bowie
Annie Lennox
Tilda Swinton
Grace Jones
Prince
Ruby Rose
Marlene Dietrich
They’re stars. People we regard highly. We accept them for how they look and we admire them for their difference. But take your average person on the street and things are different.
We still live in a world where gender is fixated upon. Women are feminine and men are masculine.
Why?
Because the world has always been this way? Because the world will fall apart if we don’t have a clear distinction between men and women?
Who knows?
Who cares?
Who cares whether you’re a boy who wears make-up and dresses, or whether you’re a girl who has a crew cut and wears suits. Let’s see beyond the gender presentation and look at the person. That means put your phone down. Open your eyes. Discard your preconceived ideas. Look past the hair, the clothes, the persona.
See the person.
This is not a radical ideology. It’s not an agenda.
It’s kindness. It’s openness. It’s acceptance. It’s being human.